I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 2. My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran. 3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 4. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees. 5. It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 6. If all is not lost, where is it? 7. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. 8. I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few. 9. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m here after. 10. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Hope that the above put a smile on your face. At a later date, I’ll put a few more words of wisdom here. [:D]
Stay safe.
Jim [cptn]
Sorry it didn’t print out the way that I typed it.
Well, I think that I can honestly say that I have 4 of us smiling, so, would you care to see if we can keep this going? I have quite a few of these little bits of wisdom that I would be happy to share. If you have some, share them with us 1, 2, or 3 at a time. With all the rediculous stuff going on in the world today maybe we can be a small bright spot that will spread. If not, we tried. Life is too short and friends are too few.
I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
Did you know that ham and eggs is a days work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.
Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
And finally for today; Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
Feel free to use any of the above on someone you think deserves it. Anybody got any to add? I know there are millions of these funny one-liners out there, and thats only the ones that we can safely use.
Lol, lol, lol, lol. That’s more like it guys. Keep them coming.
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. [B]
I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are just missing.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
That’s all for now. More later. As a comedian once said (I can’t remember his name right now), “I’ve got a million of 'em”. And another one said “The best is yet to come”.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A twoknee fish.
Reportedly a true story, if not it’s still a good one. Two policemen on patrol in a department cruiser at night, at a red light waiting to proceed straight ahead when the light turns green for them. The street they’ll be crossing is a one way, from their left to right.
As the light turns green they look in the direction of the traffic to their left, ensuring all cars are stopped at the red light, then they pull ahead to cross the street. After just a few feet a drunk driver going the wrong way, plows right into the passenger door of the cruiser and the guys can’t get out, with the drunks car pinning the door closed.
So they both scramble out the drivers door, running around the back to get to the drunks window. Now the crash is about 15 seconds old. The drunk looks out of his window and sees the uniforms and badges, unsteadedly he says, “dang, you guys sure got here quick.”
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk.
The Queen is hosting an African King. As they leave the palace in a horse drawn royal coach, one of the horses lets loose an explosive _art. The Queen is of course mortified, saying “Oh, your Highness, I’m so sorry.” The King says, “Oh, I thought it was the horse.”
A friend of mine sent me a few pages of military one-liners. I think I’ll stretch these out to 1 or 2 at a time. Some have a book or name of a person that the line is taken from.
From the “Infantry Journal”. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
From “U.S. Army Ordnance”. Tracers work both ways.