“Though I fly through the Valley of Death, I shall fear no evil. For I am at 80,000 feet and climbing.” - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan.
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh S**t!”
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks “What happened?” The pilot’s reply: “I don’t know, I just got here myself!” - - -Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
My wife was sitting on the couch and asked what I was laughing at. I told her your joke. She’s been a seamstress for all her life and thought it was great too.
U.S. Air Force Manual - It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
General Douglas MacArthur - “Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
A 727 is #2 on the ILS, a Mooney is #!. The 727 is closing too fast on the slower Mooney, so the controller says to the 727 crew, due to slower traffic ahead, make a 360 to the right.
The 727 responds, "do you realize it costs nearly a thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?
The controller: OKAY Sir, give me nearly a thousand dollar turn to the right.
A British Airways 747 is approaching JFK, skunky weather and dense traffic, the controller is unable to issue a lower altitude and JFK is getting closer steadily. The descent should have begun by about 90 miles out.
Finally as the 747 is about 20 miles out the controller asks, “Speedbird 246 are you able to descend 35 thousand feet in the next 15 miles?” The Captain responds: “Well old boy, I’m sure I can, but I’m afraid I cahn’t bring the aircrahft with me.”
Old stories they have been around since about forever, even if partially true or not at all, still a good laugh.
Yes Greg, I am really sorry. I don’t know why I stooped that low, but it’s just like being a plasticaholic, once you got it you can’t get away from it. [;)]
“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.”
“Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.”
“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there.”
“Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”
Didn’t mean to leave anyone out, just trying to get others to join in. The news and a lot of the TV shows today, pardon my french, suck. We need more fun stuff to cheer us up. As I was considered, mistakenly by some, to be one of the class clowns I try to live up to my reputation whenever the opportunity arrises. I don’t think my wife has ever laughed at one of my jokes in the 35 years we’ve been married. I just get the “Oh s**t, here he goes again” look. But, I keep tryimg. One of these days I’ll come up with a good one and she’ll laugh, and I’ll be on the floor with a heart attack. Sooooooooooo, until that day comes, I’ll keep trying to cheer people up, even if it’s with other peoples jokes. [;)]
U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. - “You, you, and you…Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”
Unknown Marine Recruit - “Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.”
“If the wings are traveling faster that the fuselage, its probably a helicopter – and therefore, unsafe.”
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”
Steven Wright has been my favorite comedian since I saw his first-ever appearance on Johnny Carson back in 1982. My single favorite line of his sums up his whole weird universe:
“I have voices in my head…but all they ever say is ‘Shut up, we weren’t talking to you…’” [:D[[:D]
Those were great. Took me a while to stop laughing from the last batch.
Greg, I’m going to send that last one to my brother in Ca. He has “a thing” he does when talking to friends or neighbors. He’ll stop talking all of a sudden, get this crazy look on his face and look up at the sky. When they ask “what’s wrong” He says “Shhhhhhh, can’t you hear them talking to me?” He’s done crazy stuff like that all his life. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Stay safe.
Jim [cptn]
PS - What do you call a turkey running down the road? Fast food.