This is the place for builders of civil aircraft – airliners, general aviation, biz-jet, you name it – to gather and discuss what their building.
Enjoy!
Well, I thought something looked different; then did a double take and saw that a new forum was listed in the menu. Rest assured that all discussions here will be civil… [:-^]
Sorry.
Don
Is this a good place for a “hijacking”?[:-,]
I dunno, but the snacks and drinks are free and the seats are comfy.
I also thought my screen looked a little diffrent, it took me a few seconds to spot the problem. [(-D]
I’m soooo confused…it’s all different…hopefully this will be better than airport security!!
Good luck as the new forum “takes off”
Rounds Complete!!
I would have made a comment earlier but before I knew it, I was 150 miles beyond the forum and had to double back.
PWB,[(-D]
Ok, the first silly airline joke of the new forum.
“Frankfurt Tower, this is United 721 Heavy requesting clearance to land”.
“UA 721 Heavy, Frankfurt Tower. You must switch to German. Haven’t you been to Frankfurt before?”.
“I have, but it was in a different model Boeing, and I didn’t stick around”.
I piloted an airplane!!! I acctualy piloted an airplane!!! I was super cool!!! I did the taxiing, the takeoff, the piloting…it was awsome!!!
Here are some real conversation that the instructor passed to me later…
Enjoy…
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m very bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was very bored, not stupid!”
O’Hare Approach Control to United 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your last known position?”
Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.”
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted:
“American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,“What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
“I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have enough parts for another one.”
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, – And I didn’t land.”
While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727…
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!”
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
“Wasn’t I married to you once?”
Great to see a forum for non-military aircraft. Now I guess I’ll have to start building something commercial. Lol.
And even though I have heard those jokes before, I never tire of them. Especially the WWII references.
THANKS Aaron! Finally a place to talk about/display some bug bombers! (ag-aircraft)
Great new forum I wish I would have waited a few days to post my question on the 732 I look forward to getting a lot of great help here
To continue along this (flight)path…
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by Quantas pilots and the
corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Quantas is the only
major airline that has never had an accident. (P stands for the problem the
pilots entered in the log, S stands for the corrective action taken by the
mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane;
the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
‘stikpusher’,
I don’t know which one I like better, “live bugs on backorder” or “engine found on right wing after brief search”.
Cool Forum, Thanks FSM.
Thanks FSM.
Now maybe this will inspire me to pull a few of those airliner kits out of the stash and work with that pile of cool aftermarket decals.
Rick
i hope this forum really takes off
Aaron! This is great! I was just pulling out an MD-80 from my stash. I’ve had it for a while, and I wanted to convert it to a 717 that my dad flew for Midwest Airlines for quite a few years. This is super, and I do hope this forum 'll be awesome!
Just to add one more “War Story” from the airlines… A Lufthansa jet was inbound to Heathrow from Berlin when the pilot was talking to his co-pilot about his days in the Luftwaffe, unbeknownst that his ICS was actually transmitting in the open, “And that’s the second bend in the Thames coming up… We’d turn there and start our bomb-runs…” Suddenly, voice broke through on the radio, "ACHTUNG! SPITFIRE!"
Great idea with this forum section. Hope to be able to share and take part in any forthcoming discussions [:)]
Have been a sporadic FSM reader since the early 90’s but have now started subscribing. For me, modelling links well with my historical interest and the subjects I model always have an historic significance. FSM is great in this way that many articles connect to aviation history.